Antique Bakery parody episode 1

Our main character, Tachibana, has a flashback to when he was a boy. For some reason he was kidnapped by a scary man who insisted he eat strawberry cake.

Man: Eat the damn cake! Don’t kids like cake?

Tachibana: No, not strawberry cake- anything but that!

He awakens from Flashback Mode.

(Tachibana: There’s only one thing I can do to combat this irrational fear of strawberry cakes- confront the problem by opening my own bakery!)

Tachibana: Mother, Father, there’s something I need to tell you. I’ve decided to throw away my promising career at the office and open a bakery.

Parents: Oh, that’s nice dear. Is there anything good on TV tonight?

Sometime later, Tachibana is interviewing a prospective chef, Ono Yusuke, prompting another Flashback Mode to when they were both in high school.

Ono: Um, Tachibana, there’s something I have to tell you- you see, I’m actually HARD GAY for you.

Tachibana: Stop trying to infect every series with HARD GAY! I hate it even more than strawberries!

(Ono: I may have been rejected, but I won’t give up! I’ll turn him no matter how many years it takes!)

Back in the present, Ono has baked a strawberry cake as part of his interview.

Ono: Here, would you like to try this?

(Tachibana: Not strawberries! I thought I was ready to face them, but I need more time!)

Tachibana: Uh, er, maybe later. Not that I have an irrational fear of strawberries or anything, I’m just not hungry. Anyway, you’re a named character, so let’s skip the formalities and have you start work here straightaway.

Ono: Uh, sure.

(Ono: He’s acting like he’s afraid of strawberries, but surely no one could be that stupid- could they?)

Tachibana: Anyway, before you start work, there’s something I have to ask- is it true that you’re so HARD GAY that men have come to blows over you?

Ono: Well, I don’t like to my blow my own trumpet- in every sense of the word- but yes, my HARD GAY powers are so great that there isn’t a man on this planet who won’t fall in love with me.

Tachibana: Hah- you’ll never see me turn HARD GAY; I’m as STRAIGHT as they come!

Ono: Many men have said that, but they all turn in the end. I bet all it takes is one night in a HARD GAY bar to convert you as well.

Tachibana: Bring it on!

Ono: Very well, then- HARD GAY transformation!

Ono puts on a leather jacket and sunglasses, and transforms into HARD GAY mode.

Meanwhile, a young boxer named Eiji is called in by his coach, who has bought him a strawberry cake.

(Eiji: Oh no, a strawberry cake! I have a bad feeling about this.)

Coach: Eiji, I’m sorry, but you have a detached retina. You’re going to have to quite boxing.

Eiji: NOOOO!!! Damn you, strawberries!

Coach: Now, now, it’s not that bad- I can help you find a new career…if you don’t mind working at a ramen shop.

Eiji: Oh cruel fate! I curse the day I ever saw a strawberry!

Elsewhere, Ono has taken Tachibana to a HARD GAY bar.

Tachibana: Guys, just so you know, I’m STRAIGHT.

Ono goes over to a young man named Atsushi.

Ono: Hmm, you seem like a fit young man. What do you say to being my partner tonight?

Atsushi: Thank you very much, sir!

Other HARD GAY guys begin to gather around Ono.

Guy: Hey, Yu-chan, I hear you’ve been picking up STRAIGHTs again. Aren’t there enough HARD GAY guys in the world to sate your appetite?

Ono: I can’t help it- men just fall head over heels for me, and who am I to deny them a glimpse of my perfect body?

Barkeep: You’d better watch out, Tachibana- you may have been STRAIGHT when you came in here, but if Yu-chan’s got his eye on you, you’ll turn HARD GAY in the end.

Ono: That’s right- ever since some STRAIGHT guy rejected me in high school, I’ve resolved to sleep with every man I meet.

Ono immediately grabs the guy next to him and steers him away for some quick HARD GAY before walking home with Tachibana.

Ono: Tachibana, do you see it now? My powers will turn you HARD GAY too!

Tachibana: How can you not recognise me? I’m the guy that rejected you in the high school- the only man immune to the power of HARD GAY!

Ono: Hmm, well I do like a challenge. I’ll work for you and we’ll see if I can turn you HARD GAY by the end of the series!

Tachibana: You’ll never sway me from the path of STRAIGHT!

(Ono: Why don’t my charms work on him? I must find out.)

As it turns out, Atsushi is waiting for Ono anyway.

Ono: Well, it looks like tonight’s sorted. See you soon, Tachibana.

As Ono walks, however, he is assaulted by Flashback Modes about his rejection.

(Ono: As long as Tachibana remains STRAIGHT, it’s a blemish on my perfect record!)

To be continued…

6 thoughts on “Antique Bakery parody episode 1

  1. At least it’s more straightforward about the subject than Code Geass, which pretends to be a harem anime. 😉 You should use Episode 3’s “Dancing in the Rain” screens for your next post.

  2. Wow this is messed up XD Yay another parody to follow, its like finding a whole new anime to watch XD

  3. This looks familiar. Is it the same as the JDrama Antique?
    (http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Antique)

    I remember watching the drama years ago. I couldn’t understand a thing because there were no subtitles. A friend just recorded the eps while she was in Japan. JDramas weren’t as popular back then as now so there were no subs then XD

    Even if I couldn’t understand what they were saying (or what was going on for that matter), it looked funny ^^ I wonder how the anime will be…

    *reads the rest of your articles*

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