Antique Bakery parody episode 2

Ono and Tachibana are preparing for the opening of the store. Tachibana has dressed in a waiter’s outfit and let stubble grow.

Tachibana: I’ve always wanted to dress up like this! Don’t get any idea, though, this most definitely isn’t HARD GAY cosplay or anything.

Ono: Don’t worry- I’m a patient man. Hey, that dress you’re holding isn’t for cross-dressing, is it?

Tachibana: Of course not! I’m hoping to hire a lovely young woman to be our receptionist!

Ono: W-woman? You can’t- I’m allergic to women!

Tachibana: Fine, then- we’ll get a man.

Predictably, Eiji comes in to answer the ad for a male receptionist. Tachibana grabs him and takes him through to the back.

Eiji: Aagh, what is this place? Am I about to have HARD GAY?

Tachibana: We’ll see about that- Ono, is he your type?

Ono: Hmm, not really.

Tachibana: Great- you’re hired! I’ll defeat your HARD GAY with STRAIGHT, Ono!

Ono: No matter- I can turn him any time I want. Tell me, Eiji, what would you do for a slice of my delicious cakes?

Eiji tastes the cakes.

Eiji: Delicious! I’ll do anything to become your apprentice- even turn HARD GAY!

Ono: See how easy it is?

Tachibana: But you- you’re supposed to be a clerk!

Ono: Ono 1- Tachibana zero.

Ono spends the rest of the day teaching Eiji how to make cakes.

Ono: Here, you take your ‘nozzle’, insert it into the backside of the ‘pastry’ and squeeze out the lovely ‘cream’.

(Eiji: I feel like there’s a hidden message to this work- if only I could figure out what.)

Ono: Say, Eiji, what did you do before you came here?

Eiji: I was a boxer.

Tachibana: Boxing? Hmm, maybe I should have asked for your qualifications and CV before hiring you- I understand that’s the done thing in some establishments.

Ono: No wonder you have such a fit body- and I bet you’ve got the stamina to go for hours as well!

A woman, Namiko, enters.

Namiko: Are you still open?

Tachibana: Technically we haven’t opened yet, but having a woman here will help combat the rising HARD GAY levels, so please come in.

After having some cake, Namiko leaves, only to run into her boyfriend, Toru, a down on his luck boxer.

Namiko: Look, Toru, I got cake!

Toru: It isn’t strawberry cake, is it? Wait a minute, aren’t you Eiji, the famous boxer? What are you doing baking cakes?

Eiji: There’s already been a famous anime about boxing! Cakes are the future if we want to make our mark!

Toru: It all sounds a bit HARD GAY if you ask me.

Namiko and Toru leave.

Ono: Hey, Tachibana, why did you decide to open a cake shop? You don’t seem all that fond of cake.

(Tachibana: I can’t admit that I’m trying to overcome my fear of strawberries- I’ll have to make something up.)

Tachibana: To meet girls, of course- isn’t that what STRAIGHT guys like me do?

The next day, Eiji continues his training.

Eiji: I want to learn everything! Please beat me into shape!

Ono: I assume you mean that literally, of course. Now, let’s go out the back and get started.

The next day, Namiko comes to the bakery again.

Namiko: Eiji, why did you quit boxing?

Eiji: If I keep boxing, I’ll lose my sight- personally I don’t mind about that, except it wouldn’t be good not being able to see anything.

Namiko: Uh, yes, that’s usually what happens when you go blind.

Later, Eiji scoffs down some cakes, including one with a strawberry on top.

Eiji: This strawberry is nothing! See, it has no power over me!

That evening, Namiko and Toru visit again.

Namiko: Hi everyone, we just spent the day at the Jeremy Kyle show because Toru says he won’t quit boxing for the sake of me and our unborn child, and now it’s all sorted! We’re going to have a great future.

Tachibana: You’re pregnant? That’s evidence of STRAIGHT! Come round more often and help me fight the HARD GAY.

Namiko: Well, we might have a recurring role- we’ll have to ask the director.

To be continued…

One thought on “Antique Bakery parody episode 2

  1. Episode 3 is… epic. The screenshots in that one would blow the parody of 1 right out of the water. Damn that Chikage. 😉

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