Antique Bakery parody episode 10

Tachibana has a Flashback Mode about how he escaped his captor by stabbing him in the leg.


Tachibana: I don’t want any more strawberries!

Kidnapper: Wait! Would raspberries have been better?

In the present, Ono presents a new cake.

Eiji: Delicious! A perfect combination of mousse and fruit!

Ono: Er, yes, ‘mousse’…

Tachibana: Anyway, Eiji, I’ve decided that you’ve levelled up enough to have two cake recipes on sale.

Eiji: As expected for a main character- I’m unstoppable!

Tachibana: Watch it, boy- I’m more important to the plot than you are.

As business hours begin, Tachibana and Chikage begin serving customers. A particularly beautiful young woman comes by.

Tachibana: Well, hello there- and what can I do for you?

Woman: Actually, I’m Ono’s sister Nagako.

Tachibana: Ono has female relatives!?

Tachibana goes into the kitchen to tell Ono.


Ono: Oh yes, I do have a sister, don’t I? I haven’t seen her in ten years- ever since I developed my phobia of women. Actually, I have some family issues- you see, I caught my mother sleeping with my teacher!

Tachibana: That’s awful!

Ono: I know- he was my first crush!

Ono goes out to see Nagako.

Nagako: It’s been a while, I know, but when I heard you were starring in an anime, I decided to get in on the act. Plus I’m also getting married, and I’d like to invite you.

Ono: Erm, I don’t think I’m ready for such a celebration of STRAIGHT.

Nagako: If it’s STRAIGHT you’re talking about, then you should know that our father had many affairs.

Ono: Well, so did Mum, erm, I mean- I’ll think about it.

Ono goes back to the bakery.

Tachibana: So, what do you think of my chances with your sister?

Ono: None- she’s getting married.

Tachibana: Zetsubou shita! Am I to be stuck in this world of HARD GAY forever?

Elsewhere, Mr Important to the Plot is trapped in a delusion that his son is still alive. His long suffering partner (who regularly buys cakes from Antique) decides she has had enough.

Man: Here you go, son, a lovely cake for you!

(Woman: Hmm, he’s really losing it.)

Woman: Look, it’s time to face facts- there’s nothing there! Your son would be grown up if he was alive, but he isn’t! He died over twenty years ago!

Man: Shut up, bitch!

Plot Man gets out a knife, but can’t go through with that.

Man: It’s that time of the month again- time to go kidnap another boy and force feed him with cake.

The next morning, Tachibana awakens from another nightmare to breakfast with Chikage.

Tachibana: Hmm, two men sitting down to breakfast together- it’s all so depressingly HARD GAY.

Chikage: Maybe we should get a civil partnership.

Tachibana: Never!

They are interrupted by news of another kidnapping.

Tachibana: I hope this is all resolved by episode twelve.

At the police station, real progress is being made with the kidnapping case.

Young Cop: Well, we’ve had a good think about it, and we’ve come to the conclusion that all these children are being kidnapped and murdered by the same person!

Old Detective: In that case, it’s most definitely related to the kidnapping of Tachibana twenty years ago!

Inspector: What’s even stranger is that all of the children had stomachs full of cake!

Old Detective: Yes, this is exactly like the Tachibana case! What a coincidence!

The Old Detective decides to talk to the region’s leading cake ingredients expert, Akutagawa.

Expert: Hmm, rhubarb, raspberry mousse and an almond base- this can only be the famous Antique Bakery!

The police visit Antique.

Old Detective: Tachibana-san, we’ve already brought your cake in for investigation, but unfortunately it wouldn’t answer any of our questions. We’re hoping you can be more helpful.

Tachibana: Yes, this is just what I’ve been waiting for! This is why I started the shop in the first place!

(Tachibana: They must never guess my true purpose- to overcome my lifelong fear of strawberries!)

Old Detective: Akutagawa, you were right when you said we should probe any suspicious people!

Akutagawa: Well, actually I was just talking about my hobby, but yes- and this time, I’m experienced enough not to need the manual!

To be continued…

2 thoughts on “Antique Bakery parody episode 10

  1. “Old Detective: Tachibana-san, we’ve already brought your cake in for investigation, but unfortunately it wouldn’t answer any of our questions. We’re hoping you can be more helpful.”

    XD I missed your parodies~ Anyways Happy 2009!

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