Tachibana has a Flashback Mode about how he escaped his captor by stabbing him in the leg.
Tachibana: I don’t want any more strawberries!
Kidnapper: Wait! Would raspberries have been better?
In the present, Ono presents a new cake.
Eiji: Delicious! A perfect combination of mousse and fruit!
Ono: Er, yes, ‘mousse’…
Tachibana: Anyway, Eiji, I’ve decided that you’ve levelled up enough to have two cake recipes on sale.
Eiji: As expected for a main character- I’m unstoppable!
Tachibana: Watch it, boy- I’m more important to the plot than you are.
As business hours begin, Tachibana and Chikage begin serving customers. A particularly beautiful young woman comes by.
Tachibana: Well, hello there- and what can I do for you?
Woman: Actually, I’m Ono’s sister Nagako.
Tachibana: Ono has female relatives!?
Tachibana goes into the kitchen to tell Ono.
Ono: Oh yes, I do have a sister, don’t I? I haven’t seen her in ten years- ever since I developed my phobia of women. Actually, I have some family issues- you see, I caught my mother sleeping with my teacher!
Tachibana: That’s awful!
Ono: I know- he was my first crush!
Ono goes out to see Nagako.
Nagako: It’s been a while, I know, but when I heard you were starring in an anime, I decided to get in on the act. Plus I’m also getting married, and I’d like to invite you.
Ono: Erm, I don’t think I’m ready for such a celebration of STRAIGHT.
Nagako: If it’s STRAIGHT you’re talking about, then you should know that our father had many affairs.
Ono: Well, so did Mum, erm, I mean- I’ll think about it.
Ono goes back to the bakery.
Tachibana: So, what do you think of my chances with your sister?
Ono: None- she’s getting married.
Tachibana: Zetsubou shita! Am I to be stuck in this world of HARD GAY forever?
Elsewhere, Mr Important to the Plot is trapped in a delusion that his son is still alive. His long suffering partner (who regularly buys cakes from Antique) decides she has had enough.
Man: Here you go, son, a lovely cake for you!
(Woman: Hmm, he’s really losing it.)
Woman: Look, it’s time to face facts- there’s nothing there! Your son would be grown up if he was alive, but he isn’t! He died over twenty years ago!
Man: Shut up, bitch!
Plot Man gets out a knife, but can’t go through with that.
Man: It’s that time of the month again- time to go kidnap another boy and force feed him with cake.
The next morning, Tachibana awakens from another nightmare to breakfast with Chikage.
Tachibana: Hmm, two men sitting down to breakfast together- it’s all so depressingly HARD GAY.
Chikage: Maybe we should get a civil partnership.
They are interrupted by news of another kidnapping.
Tachibana: I hope this is all resolved by episode twelve.
At the police station, real progress is being made with the kidnapping case.
Young Cop: Well, we’ve had a good think about it, and we’ve come to the conclusion that all these children are being kidnapped and murdered by the same person!
Old Detective: In that case, it’s most definitely related to the kidnapping of Tachibana twenty years ago!
Inspector: What’s even stranger is that all of the children had stomachs full of cake!
Old Detective: Yes, this is exactly like the Tachibana case! What a coincidence!
The Old Detective decides to talk to the region’s leading cake ingredients expert, Akutagawa.
Expert: Hmm, rhubarb, raspberry mousse and an almond base- this can only be the famous Antique Bakery!
The police visit Antique.
Old Detective: Tachibana-san, we’ve already brought your cake in for investigation, but unfortunately it wouldn’t answer any of our questions. We’re hoping you can be more helpful.
Tachibana: Yes, this is just what I’ve been waiting for! This is why I started the shop in the first place!
(Tachibana: They must never guess my true purpose- to overcome my lifelong fear of strawberries!)
Old Detective: Akutagawa, you were right when you said we should probe any suspicious people!
Akutagawa: Well, actually I was just talking about my hobby, but yes- and this time, I’m experienced enough not to need the manual!
To be continued…
I am glad you started blogging again 😀
“Old Detective: Tachibana-san, we’ve already brought your cake in for investigation, but unfortunately it wouldn’t answer any of our questions. We’re hoping you can be more helpful.”
XD I missed your parodies~ Anyways Happy 2009!