Tuesday Rumble: February 13th

Spoiler Alert: look out for Chevalier, Fate/Stay Night and X TV spoilers this week.

It’s dangerous to stop playing Harvest Moon- once you give it a rest, you realise how tedious it is, and consequently don’t want to resume play. Nonetheless, I must get back to the game, for Anton’s story must surely be told.

Le Chevalier Orphe
Remember all those Meine Liebe crossovers I suggested when I was parodying the series? At the time, the list seemed complete, but in the interim, a new candidate has appeared- Le Chevalier Orphe! Possessed by the spirit of his dead sister Robertine (Lia), Orphe (d’Eon) and his allies must uncover the secrets that lurk beneath the surface of Kuchen’s royal court.

Characters

Orphe/Robertine= d’Eon/Lia (the lead and his sister)

Ed= Anna (the lead’s lover, only not)

Camus= Robin (the useless sidekick, has a connection with the bishiest)

Gerard= Durand (already working for the King)

Isaac= Teillagory (the older man of uncertain allegiance)

Lui= Robespierre (the bishiest)

Beruze= Orleans (the evil that never goes away)

Naoji= Lorenza (subordinate to the bishiest)

King= Louis (the King)

Bartholomeus= Marie (the King’s wife who seems to know many secrets)

Bernard = Pompadour (seems evil at first but may not actually be)

Eilos= Pompadour’s underling (ugly generic underling)

Harvest Moon Ultimate
Last time, we saw how tedious Harvest Moon will eventually become, but this week it is time to look at the opposite case- how to improve the game to make it more enjoyable.

• You can choose to start as a farm hand, taking care of just one section of the farm until you feel ready to cope with more. Once you move up in the farming world, you can hire underlings who are more efficient than Harvest Sprites.
• Useless animals such as ducks and goats are not present.
• Pigs are now available, and along with other animals, can be sent to the slaughterhouse.
• You can charm as many members of the opposite sex as you want, and get them all to join your harem and even work on the farm. You can also choose whether or not to have children, and any offspring of yours will also work on the farm.
• If you like, you can choose to specialise in one class of crops or livestock- if you do so, you can unlock more variations and breeds for your chosen specialisation.
• Horses and dogs can be bred as a business, and also entered into competitions (racing, agility etc).
• Special livestock such as grunties, chocobos, ostriches and deer can all be unlocked by the dedicated farmer.
• Hurricanes and blizzards no longer occur.

Red Garden 14

Rose vows to improve her HARD YURI stamina so that she can please Rachel in bed.

Kate decides that they should practice HARD YURI in order to be ready for the next group session.

Kate doesn’t want to waste any time, but then again…

…neither does Rose.

Rachel impresses her girlfriends with her toned body and limitless stamina.

Claire wants nothing more than to learn how to give good HARD YURI.

She is in awe of how well Kate performed in their last session.

“Did you grow a Zhuge Liang?”

Kate explains that she has almost mastered the art of HARD YURI Pleasure.

Claire is eager to see her in action.

Kate suggests a threesome.

As it turns out, Claire wanted Kate all to herself.

Note the appearance of a pizza place.

Kate has trouble getting the same effect with Hyper Self Pleasure.

“It either all comes at once or not at all!”

“At least you can Pleasure yourself.”

Nick tries explain why he is HARD GAY.

Paula wants to confess the truth about her many lovers to Kate.

“She is HARD YURI, you are BI.”

The headmistress remembers her first BI session.

Something kinkier than anything that has appeared before now- that’s difficult to imagine.

Short parody: Gundam Seed

In flashback, we see Kira and Athrun as they go their separate ways.

Kira: Never forget our HARD GAY, Athrun.

Athrun: You’d better not cheat on me, Kira.

Years later, on the Archangel…

Murrue: Kira, you are an untrained teenager who has never been in battle before, but you are also the Destined One and our only hope. You must fight.

Kira: I hate fighting! Talking to the enemies who are currently shooting at us is the only way.

Mu: Kira, you must fight.

Kira: Oh, okay then; I’ll show everyone that peace is the answer by going out and shooting them all down.

Kira confronts Athrun and the other Gundam pilots in battle.

Athrun: Kira, come over to our side! Coordinators are genetically designed to give much better HARD GAY than Naturals!

Kira: Even though the audience can barely remember their names, I must protect my friends and everyone on this ship!

Yzak: Come on, it’s four against one; let’s just shoot him down.

Athrun: You idiot, he’s the main character! We’d better retreat for now.

Yzak: I’ll be back next week, Kira Yamato!

After Cagalli comes aboard…

Cagalli: I want to pilot too!

Mu: You fool- no woman can do any good in the cockpit of a moble suit! Even if we do let you out, you must promise to either get shot down straightaway or fly around aimlessly in the background.

Astray Pilots: We’ve had special training to ensure we never actually hit any important targets!

Weekly Awards

Apples of the week: By taking a trip back into the past to HARD YURI series Oniisama E, we can see that apples have long been a part of anime history.

Return of the grapes: Not only do they make another appearance in SaiMono as part of a selection of autumn fruit (even Anton has to harvest them in the autumn) but Muscat grapes are also spotted in Gankutsuou.

ED of the week: ED themes rarely get much in the way of the attention thanks to their generally slow and dull nature, but this week another prize must go to Gankutsuou for its ED- “You Won’t See Me Coming”.

HARD GAY corner: X TV
Kamui and Fuuma had long held HARD GAY feelings for each other, but before they could consummate their relationship, many obstacles lay in front of them. Following Kamui’s return to Tokyo after a long absence (the death of Kamui’s mother had shown him the inadvisability of choosing women), each had to prove their worthiness as a partner by not only mastering their ‘Divine Sword’, but by assembling a BI harem of lesser lovers.

After building their harems and locating (if not yet mastering) their ‘swords’, one more hurdle lay in their path- Fuuma’s sister Kotori. As a woman, she could turn Fuuma and Kamui STRAIGHT, thus coming between them and endangering this love. In order to prevent this, Fuuma killed Kotori, but even then, the course of true love was not to run smooth. Both Kamui and Fuuma now had harems to look after, and servicing all their harem members proved such a drain that they could no longer see each other. In desperation, the pair were forced to arrange liaisons between harem members (such as Subaru and Seiishirou) in the hopes that this would free up some time.

With the explosive encounters between HARD GAY and BI harem members slowly whittling down their numbers, Kamui and Fuuma were finally able to see each other once again. Choosing Tokyo Tower, the symbol of HARD GAY, as their meeting place, the two finally used their ‘Divine Swords’ against each other in an intense HARD GAY encounter that sapped the last of their energy. Many had died in this ultimate clash of harems and Pleasure, but the survivors could agree on one thing- it had all been worth it.

Mini-rant: Jaded? I don’t think so
Like most hobbies, when someone first gets into anime, oftentimes they cannot get enough of it. It could be any old crap on TV, a DVD on sale in HMV or something that a random forum member recommended- the point is that it’s anime, and therefore it must be watched, regardless of actual quality.

Of course, after a while, you begin to realise that just because something happens to be anime, that is not a guarantee that it is going to be to your tastes- and after all, why should it be? Anime is just animation that happens to be produced in Japan; do we expect every book written in England or every film made in the US to be good? A few are very good, most are average to mediocre, and some are downright awful- it’s the same with most things.

Unfortunately, having gotten over the ‘first flush’ phase of anime, there are those who do not acknowledge this fact, instead choosing to believe that just because they do not like everything from Last Exile to Mahoromatic, that makes them jaded. They may have only seen twenty to fifty of the many hundreds of anime series and films that exist, but in their minds, they have seen and done it all.

Nonetheless, it has to be said- people at this stage are not jaded, for this is not the stage where you have seen everything anime has to offer, but rather the one where you have to realise that not every series is going to be for you. This is the time where you have to decide the genres that most demand your attention, and the level of quality which you are prepared to watch. Will you limit yourself to the cream of the crop, or delve to the bottom of the barrel? Can only slice of life hold your interest, or is mecha worth a look as well? Should you watch three episodes every evening, or just one DVD at the weekend?

At this point, your anime experience can never be the same as it was in the early days when you bought, downloaded and watched everything you can get your hands on, but do not mistake that for having reached anime exhaustion. All that has happened is that you have adjusted your viewing habits to a more sustainable long-term routine- it will take many more series and a far larger body of anime experience before you will have the right to correctly label yourself jaded.

Plushie Review: Fat Cat Mikoto

Although it has long since been discontinued, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to review plush Mikoto, the best thing to emerge from Mai-Otome. Unfortunately, despite the irresistible lure of owning a Mikoto plushie, this one does have quite a few weakness, as listed below-

• The grey isn’t quite the right shade, whilst eyebrows and ear tips are brown instead of black.
• Her pose ensures she is not as fat and huggable as the real Mikoto
• Most features (eyes, paw pads etc) are just stickers.
• The bell comes off relatively easily (I’ve had to sew it back twice).
• Seam-work and material is not the best quality considering the price.

That being said, there isn’t much choice for those wanting a plush Mikoto, and on the positive side, she is still reasonably huggable, with soft front legs and a dour facial expression worthy of the real thing. Even if you could still get it, it wouldn’t be one for casual buyers, but fat cat fans should not be seen without one.

*NEW* Harem of the Week: Emiya Shirou (Fate/Stay Night)

Harem of the Week will alternate with In Your Reflection from now on.

He entered the Holy Grail war not to earn the Grail itself, but rather to gather as many women as possible (see Fate/Shirou Harem Diaries for more details) as the male characters were killed off.

Harem

Sakura Matou: the childhood friend and housewife. Temporarily left the harem and became a bondage queen under the influence of Caster.

Taiga Fujiwara: Teacher and older woman.

Saber: Shirou’s summoned Servant, the reincarnation of King Arthur. A dedicated swordswoman with rigid code of honour, who held the position of first wife. Shirou has entered her many times.

Rin Tohsaka: Cool upperclassman skilled in magic; the brains of the operation.

Ilya: Obligatory loli, likes to sleep in Shirou’s bed. Wants to be first wife.

Failures

Rider: Killed by Saber before she could leave her Master and take up the role of bondage queen.

Caster: Shirou never had a chance, but wanted her anyway. Jason advised against it.

Defeated Rivals

Archer: Actually Shirou in his future legendary hero form, but they do say you’re your own worst enemy. Since he was invisible most of the time he wasn’t really a threat, but as long as he was alive, there was a chance Rin might go off on her own.

Berserker: The only obstacle between Shirou and Ilya; he also had the temerity to grope Rin.

Shinji: Tried to ally with Rin, also the obstacle between Shirou and Rider.

Gilgamesh: A golden-haired Ueki reject looking to claim Saber for his own; the plot decreed that he had to be defeated by the end.

Kuzuki: Although he was defeated, Shirou was never able to win Caster from him.

Fashion police: Camus Luneburg

To be fair, the top half of Camus’ attire isn’t too bad (although arguably a cloak is not for such a pathetic character as he is, and he could stand to lose the cravat), but the Fashion Police have had to be called out purely on account of his shorts. Attached to his tall boots by a rather embarrassing set of suspenders, the lower half of Camus’ body gives the game away in terms of his state- an effeminate young man used as a whipping boy in the regular HARD GAY sessions.

Fashion sense: C-

Amusing Search Terms

lolicon: this now tops my search terms list every day…every single day.

you toube: old friend you toube.

night proxy flame com: Perhaps I should use this as the name of my next blog.

raising from the dead anime: there is actually an anime called Necromancer, but it’s hentai.

hikaru no go fandom: Join us…

saber is mine: why do people keep looking for this?

code geass mp3: not here.

0170 Hikaru no GO: GO and find the ROM somewhere else.