Tuesday Rumble: June 5th

As a servant of my cruel yet furry masters, the fat cats, I can do no less than begin this week’s Tuesday Rumble with a link to the Dog and Cat Diaries.

The Future of Seirei no Moribito
As is beginning to become apparent, for all that it has been largely enjoyable, Seirei no Moribito is somewhat lacking in much in the way of a plot. With this is mind, just what is going to fill later episodes? Here are some suggestions.

  • Everyone sits and talks in Tanda’s hut.
  • Balsa polishes her spear, whilst talking to Torogai, Tanda and Chagum.
  • Torogai talks to herself.
  • Shuga reads some literature in the archives.
  • Tanda talks to some customers about herbs.
  • Balsa has a long talk with a shopkeeper before buying some minor items.
  • The Eight Evil Men sit around planning an ambush.

How to create a strategy RPG
A while back, we covered what it took to make a classical RPG, but what are the essential steps when making an SRPG? There may still be a Lord of Darkness for intrepid heroes to fight, but how should they go about it in this instance?

  • The lead must wield a sword, or failing that, a close-range melee weapon. S/he will have unique attacks and a weak healing spell, and generally be the best front line attacker.
  • Archer classes are either completely useless weaklings or strong “own-all” characters who deal out massive punishment.
  • Enemy mages are always incredibly powerful with long range spells the hit multiple characters, but your mages are weak and difficult to level up since they usually die early on. The same goes for any beast monsters you may be able to recruit.
  • If you ever get to control generics or have a third allied faction on the battlefield, they will never be anything more than cannon fodder.
  • Major and final bosses must always be giant monsters who can never move from their spot.
  • There will always be a skilled swordsman who is either an enemy or NPC ally that every player wishes they could recruit for their team.
  • Optional maps will always be incredibly difficult and require hours of painstaking levelling up.

Alias and Lost references in Darker than Black

The first mention of Alias is made…

…followed up by its sister series Lost.

Havoc’s red hair echoes the wig that Sydney wore in the first episode of Alias.

She’s even worked for the CIA, just as Sydney did.

“My name’s Jack Bristow, er, Shephard, no, sorry it’s Simon.”

Short parody: Sisters of Wellber 1-3

Rita stabs the prince.

Rita: Get away from me! I don’t want STRAIGHT.

Eventually she meets up with Tina.

Tina: It’s all right, Rita, we can have HARD YURI together- and even a bit of HORSE on the way.

Tank: Don’t forget about me! I’m a talking tank, straight from the set of Pumpkin Scissors!

Shirley: And me, a small green fairy from Berserk!

The two women begin their journey.

Rita: Hmm, it’s not like the whole country is looking for me- I’ll just go into town dressed as I am.

Villain: Gwakaka, I am secretly Parkes from Iroha! Capture the princess!

Rita: Stay back, or I’ll get you with my incredibly short dagger!

Tank: Tank ex machine! Save the day mode!

The day is saved.

Rita: Now to randomly hack off all my hair, leaving me with a haircut better than any stylist can give me!

The women continue onwards to Market Town. They meet up with a woman.

Woman: I have paid a lot of money for screen time in this episode!

Tina: Okay, we’ll play along with your story.

The woman takes them to a church, last seen in FF7.

Mayor: Not so fast, for I am evil- and I have a cigar too!

Woman: Cower in fear at my tragic past, Mayor! Years ago, Sephiroth burned down my village!

After a tactical battle, some documents are found.

Mayor: Give those to me- they contain details of exciting HARD GAY techniques.

The church is set on fire.

Rita: We should probably run away about now.

Tina: No, let’s just stand around aimlessly.

Rita: I know, why don’t we climb up that bell rope and escape out of the window.

Tina: I have a better idea- I’ll shoot the bell rope so that the church bell crashes down on us and protects us from the flames!

Rita: Won’t it get unbearably hot inside a bell made of conductive metal?

Tina: Don’t argue about physics- we’re main characters!

In his office, the mayor laughs evilly.

Mayor: Gwakaka, I have won!

Tina: Not so fast, Mayor! Thanks to these photos of you and the vicar in bed together, you’re about to be placed under arrest.

Mayor: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I had the perfect plan, and I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling main characters!

This Week in Anime

Fresh fruit, still on the vine.

Chairman Durandal realises that oranges are edible.

The relationship between Sunrise and pizza goes back a long way.

Imagawa Pizza rises up to challenge Pizza Hut and Domino’s.

Anime Awards

Cross dressers of the week: this prize goes to the male leads of SaiMono, for their adventures in the manga volume two side story.

Most Unimpressive Fight Scene of the Week would go to El Cazador if it had any scenes that could be classed as fights, but instead goes to Claymore for the repetitive sword slashing and panning over stills.

Worst Machinery of the Week goes to Wellber for its talking tank- somehow I just can’t bring myself to like it.

Anime World Tour: Aria

Welcome to the world of Aqua, a water planet filled with sights to delight any and all tourists! Book an undine (gondolier) from the Aria, Himeya or Orange Planet companies and explore the many sights of Neo Venezia, recreated in the image of the original Venice! Or venture further out for more unique locations, from traditional Japanese shrines to the technology of the Floating Island! Whether you want to join in New Year celebrations, experience the high tide of Aqua Alta or just catch a glimpse of the legendary cat Cait Sith, we guarantee that there are plenty of sights to see no matter what time of year you visit! But don’t feel compelled to rush around- sometimes the best things come to those who sit and wait…

OST spotlight: Final Fantasy IX

Final Fantasy music continues to evolve in this OST, which adopts a more Celtic and medieval feel than the last couple of offerings in the series. Although the synths are still ever-present, there are some strong piano themes and distinctive mystical tracks mixed in amongst the obligatory filler. Unfortunately, a few potentially worthy themes are diminished by being looped too many times.

Notable tracks: Feel My Blade, Vamo alla Flamenco, Awakened Forest, Battle 1, Kuja’s Theme, Eternal Harvest, Loss of Me, Protecting My Devotion, Terra, Bran Bal the Soulless Village, You’re Not Alone, Dark Messenger

Worthiness: Whilst many of the tracks are forgettable, there’s a solid centre of worthy themes that leave a positive impression overall.

Mini-editorial: Chiming in on the Kodomo no Jikan uproar

It can’t have escaped many people’s notice that the Answerman-provoked debate about the “evils” of Kodomo no Jikan/Nymphet ultimately ended with Seven Seas cancelling the English language release of the series. There have already been many vocal opinions about this, and for some reason it seemed to fit this part of the post to talk about it.

Like many people on certain forums, I haven’t actually read KnJ, and so I can’t say with reliability whether the content is harmless comedy or the catalyst for the next doomsday (ironically, thanks to all the furore, I may actually read it even though I wasn’t initially interested in it). I’m certainly not into loli myself, but since there are no sex scenes and nothing illegal occurring in this manga, is it really the evil to end all evil? If you find it disturbingly close to child exploitation, then don’t touch it, but is fair to tar people who may read it for the comedy as closet molesters? I don’t particularly care for the panty shots in Ichigo Mashimaro, but I read it because it is an amusing slice-of-life series, not because I want to be Nobue with a harem of little girls to look after.

Even so, ultimately it is up to Seven Seas what they want to release, and if they don’t see the benefit in putting out a particular series, that’s their call. That being said, their handling of the license should be called into question; the license was announced a long time ago, yet it was only recently that the content was deemed unsuitable- isn’t such laxity of attention just asking for trouble? Couldn’t they have at least kept quiet about the license until they had verified the content? It may not directly affect me, but it’s a disappointment for all those “evil” people who pre-ordered volume one.

Next week: would a title like this cause the end of the world as we know it?

Harem of the week: Keiichi Morisato (Ah! My Goddess)

He accidentally phoned up for a goddess and ended up with several living at his house- and while not all of them qualify as romantic harem members, their presence in his life cannot be denied.


Belldandy: The doormat and main romantic interest, seems to have been created for the sole purpose of pining after Keiichi.

Urd: The sexy and seductive older woman.

Skuld: The loli inventor who claims to hate Keiichi.

Sayoko: The seductive rich girl, her advances on Keiichi are an attempt to upstage Belldandy.

Megumi: The little sister, she seems almost too protective of her brother.

Peorth: The bondage queen, and most forward of the girls.

Fashion Police: Seiryu

A while ago, Guren/Mokkun came under fire from the Fashion Police, and now his fellow Spirit Summon Seiryu needs attention. A walking catalogue of fashion disasters, Seiryu combines bare chest, knees and feet with a pointless scarf arrangement and laughable arm and leg guards- not mention the necklace and numerous other features. Aside from perhaps the hair, there isn’t one redeeming feature.

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: hard yaoi, you toube

mai otome zwei ova 3 breasts: We can see how Mai-Otome fans look for the sort of depth and complexity that only this series can offer.

charades prompt: this again?

rpg maker xp harvest moon script: I actually do want to make an HM style game in RPG Maker, with pigs and a slaughterhouse.

gay harem: see my parodies for ideas.

Does Shino love Ovan?: No, she only wants him for his oven.

how to draw futakoi alternative character: Er, get reference pictures, and draw/copy?

acid anime: An anime about acid.

what does it mean roses in flame?: I guess it means singed petals.

buy beigoma: Seriously?

hard gaymen: Is this like Devilman, but HARD GAY?

Doujin B-Daman: I didn’t know B-Daman was even popular enough for people to bother making doujinshi.

Piccolo/Goku yaoi: Isn’t this scraping the barrel a bit?

2007 beyblade tournaments around the world: Let’s Beyblade!

Mai HiMe tentacle: For some people, it’s the most memorable part.

harvest moon popuri manga: If Harvest Moon gets its own manga, Hung can’t call it off-topic anymore.

manga witch: Another specific search.

twelve kingdoms episode in order: I suggest starting with episode 1, then watching episode 2, and so forth.

manga breast grope: just grow a pair of man-melons and feel your own.

y.cube.it: ?

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